For many years, I had a secret identity. I was “Susan” of the MMI’s “Ask Susan” advice column. The truth of how this came about is far less exciting than it seems—I inherited the column from someone named Susan.

After answering more than 30,000 questions, I “retired’ from the column. Today, the column is called The Advice Team and questions are answered by some of the most qualified people in the industry. Thankfully, I still get to fill in when one of them goes on vacation because I really love talking (or in this case, typing) with people one-on-one. During my most recent stint as a substitute, I noticed that several people were worried about how their personal relationships are being negatively impacted by money. In case you are struggling with the topic of friends and finance, following are a few of the questions I received and answered.

Dear Advice Team: I let my friend and his wife borrow $2,500 more than a year ago. They are making payments as agreed, but I can’t help to get annoyed when I see them spending money frivolously. They even went on a trip recently—I can’t even afford to do that! What can I do about this situation? -Steve, Minnesota

Steve: While you may not agree with all of their spending decisions, at least they are keeping their promise to pay you back. I believe that when you lend someone money, it is important not to assume a position of power. Being too authoritative could damage your friendship.

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Dear Advice Team: In October, I loaned my friend of 12 years $4,000. I wrote her a personal check for the amount of the loan. She verbally agreed to pay me back all of her income tax refund. Well, she got her income tax and spent it all, without notifying me. I called her and she said that she would pay me $100/week until balance was paid. That was three weeks ago and I haven’t heard from her. I am a single parent and trying to go to school. She knows I need it. What can I do? -Cheryl, Phoenix

David: I am sorry you are dealing with this delicate issue. Since your friend has not kept her end of the bargain, it is past time that you begin treating the loan like you would any other business matter. Discuss the terms of the agreement and put the details in writing. Be sure to list both parties involved, the interest rate, due dates, payment amounts, and penalty for late or missed payments. Document the date and time of any letters or phone calls, and be sure to make note of all the responses to your attempts. Your records may be necessary if you plan to take the matter to court, or if you plan to write the debt off as non-business bad debt on your next tax return.

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Dear Advice Team: I recently co-signed for a car loan for a friend. This “friend” has duped me and she won’t pay. My question is: how can I get my name removed from the loan? I don’t want to pay for a car for her. Her name is on the title and she has a car free of charge! I have learned my lesson; I just want to know what can be done—before my credit is ruined. -Mark, Tennessee

Mark: Helping someone obtain their goals can be very rewarding; however, far too many friendships end when money is involved. Unfortunately, there is no simple way to “remove” your name from a cosigned loan. In order for the primary borrower to assume total responsibly for the debt, she would have to apply for a new loan and qualify on her own. (I am assuming that this is not possible or you wouldn’t have been asked to cosign in the first place.) Talk to your friend about selling the car and repaying the loan. Seek mediation if necessary. If this is not possible, you might consider protecting your credit rating by making the payments to the creditor yourself and then collecting from her. Because the stakes are so high, I recommend that you seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities.

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If you have a question for the Advice Team, please don’t hesitate to ask!

I recently met a 30-something woman who was selling her home so that she would have more money to repay her student loans. As she put it: “I finally realized that this debt was not going to go away.” She’s right—there is no statute of limitations on government-guaranteed student loans, giving Uncle Sam unlimited time to collect.

In addition, a notation that her student loan is in default will remain on her file until the debt is paid in full (instead of the typical 7 years). If she does not make satisfactory arrangements to get these student loans repaid, the government can garnish her wages. I have heard of former students having their wages garnished more than 30 years after they obtained their student loans.

The bottom line is that if you are having trouble paying for your education, waiting it out is not an option; fortuantely, there are others.

-Consolidation. You may be able to consolidate several loans into one. Many consolidation loans offer students the opportunity to repay their loans over a 30-year period at a favorable interest rate. While consolidating your loans may decrease your monthly payments, keep in mind that increasing the length of time it takes you to repay may increase the total cost of repaying your loans.

-Deferment. You may request a deferment, or temporary suspension, from your lender if you meet certain criteria such as being unemployed or re-enrolled in school. Depending on the type of loan, you may not have to pay interest during deferment. If you apply for a deferment, you must make all payments until it is granted; you can’t get any deferment on a defaulted loan.

-Forbearance. If you are not eligible for deferment, you may request a temporary suspension or reduction of payments. Forbearance can also be an extension of the time you have to repay your loan. Unlike deferment, interest accrues, and you’re responsible for repaying it, regardless of the type of loan you hold.

-Cancellation. Perhaps every student dreams of having their loans dismissed and, in some rare cases, it is possible. For example, your student loan may be cancelled if you become permanently disabled or if your school closes before you complete your program. Keep in mind that cancellations are not granted for financial difficulty.

Finally, realize that ignoring your student loans only makes matters worse. For more information on student loan repayment, visit the US Department of Education’s website at Ed.gov.

The kids were quiet for 30 minutes, so naturally, I was suspicious. When I found them playing with our old Scrabble board, I was pleased. And then puzzled.

While there were a few recognizable words like “save” and “fat,” the rest of the board looked like alphabet soup. When I told them that “ryahoo” wasn’t really worth any points, they disagreed. Apparently, there were some new rules in play.

I didn’t stick around to see who won the game, but I give them both credit for changing things up a bit. After all, the old rules didn’t really work for my elementary school children. Kind of like the old financial rules don’t really work for, well, anyone anymore.

Taking the lead from my rule-changing children, here are a few old financial “rules” and my suggested updates.

Old rule: If you qualify for a loan, you must be able to afford it.
New rule: Don’t let someone else determine if you can afford a loan. You are the one responsible for making the payments, so you should decide if the terms are affordable.

Old rule: Homeownership is the American Dream.
New rule: The American Dream should be to live comfortably within your means. If that means homeownership, great. But don’t just buy a house because you are “supposed to.”

Old rule: Some assets always appreciate.
New rule: Some assets have a history of appreciating if you can wait long enough. Before you invest in a “sure thing,” think about the amount of time you have before you’ll need the money. You should have separate short-term emergency funds available so you aren’t forced to tap long-term investments when they’re low.

Old rule: Credit cards work as an extension of income.
New rule: Credit is a tool of convenience. Credit should only used wisely and always with a plan for payoff. Credit card interest should not be considered an acceptable part of your monthly budget.

Old rule: The country needs consumers to spend.
New rule: Paying close attention to your personal economy is good for you and the country. Consumer spending fuels the economy, but it doesn’t help anyone if you overspend.

Old rule: Keeping up with the Joneses is the cool thing to do.
New rule: Ignore the Joneses; they are probably in debt up to their eyeballs.

Are you a financial rule breaker/rule maker? If share your updated rules through the comments section, we might actually have a chance at winning the game this time.

We are so exicted to one of the sponsors for the upcoming Mom 2.0 Summit in Houston. In honor of the event, this week’s Blogging For Change posts will be by moms and for moms (& dads too)!